I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pants are for mortals
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
