Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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