I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
