Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
