Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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