No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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