He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Randomize
