We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
