Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
