I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
