it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
