well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
