This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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