I feel like abortions should bother me more
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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