Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
