I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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