Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
