You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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