Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
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I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
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Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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