Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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