Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I will pee on everything he values.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
