Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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