i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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