It's Friday. Sex?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
