508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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