Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
