i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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