Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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