I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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