they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Randomize
