at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
barbara walters just said penis...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
