Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
