Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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