So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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