I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
