Umm I'm too high to move.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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