I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
