omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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