He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
