i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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