Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks