someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Boobs are out for the taking
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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