1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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