Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
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He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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