Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
