So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
