Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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