Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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