I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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