the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i think i just lost a toe
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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