tell your sister to shave her snatch
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
