Just fell off a train. Bad.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
