margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
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All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
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Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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