**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize