so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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