i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
