I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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