I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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