i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
