So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You're a waste of cheezeits
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
