There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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