My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
