so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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