My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im holly from the hills drunk
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
