I heard we made out
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Randomize
