I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
