Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
