I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
