if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
