You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
