Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
