shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
