we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
