apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
