With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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