Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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