Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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