Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
