So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
