All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
