"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
