He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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